Baby Boomer Ranger

December 28, 2005

The Best and Worst of 2005

Filed under: Public Service — Cynthia Ann Whelan @ 3:51 am

The beginning of 2006 brings an end to the Forest Service’s Centennial. We not only survived 100 years, we survived last year! In the spirit of looking back, I offer you my year-end roundup of the Best and Worst of 2005 on the Sierra National Forest.

BEST VIEW OF HUNTINGTON LAKE – Can you see any resorts, campgrounds or cabins in this photo?

BEST FOREST SERVICE WEBPAGE – Work Plan
The rise of technology in the workplace hasn’t been an easy transition for the Forest Service. Most processes have become more complicated and cumbersome. One web-based application really improved – Work Plan. I was able to log on, make two dozen changes and print with more efficiency that ever before. Now when the lands budget has been changed for the twenty-fifth time, I can fix it in fifteen minutes!

WORST FOREST SERVICE WEBPAGE – Dashboard
Dashboard was a total waste of time and a waste of electrons. When it was up, it took six or more passwords to access your personal information. This year they did us all a favor, and took it down and to this day, it doesn’t work. They did a great job in turning a basic idea into a Rube Goldberg.

WORST PARKING JOB – Big Rigs You Stink
The truck drivers that decided our public curb is their private parking space deserve a flat tire. They are an eyesore, they block our view and they make it unsafe to leave the parking lot. Take it elsewhere guys!

BEST OFFICE REMODEL – Ed
Besides showing good taste, Ed Cole showed his insight by including in his office remodel a conference table with a built in conference phone. No more scrambling to find a phone or an open phone line for meetings. Conference calls are now dignified and efficient.

BEST SHARING OF A BUILDING – PSW
I’m glad to see our second cousins from the PSW Research join us in occupying some of our vacant office space. It’s nice to see full desks, and new faces. They also brought along their very own cool PODS container and a wild looking weather station.

WORST PROJECT – The Wilderness Plan(s)
No surprises here. The Wilderness Vortex still sucks. Every time the phone rings, it’s ’stop, drop, and roll.’ How long can something go on so badly? Apparently, chaos is acceptable and a great excuse. “I can’t do this because of the Wilderness Plan, I didn’t do that because of the Wilderness Plan, and I’m totally confused and lame because of the Wilderness Plan…”

BEST PROJECT TO MOVE OFF OF THE NATIONAL FOREST – No New Dam
This year, the Bureau of Reclamation’s Upper San Joaquin Water Storage Project moved downstream and off the Sierra National Forest. In addition to being good for the hardhead minnow and Research Natural Area, it also means we won’t be pushing already stretched staff to work on another unfunded project.

WORST SUCKING SOUND – Unfilled Vacancies
I’m sure you can hear it too. That rushing sound of talent being vacumed off the Sierra. Call it brain drain. Call it right-sizing. Call it outsourcing. Call it not filling in behind a vacancy. Call it a losing old friends and co-workers. I can’t begin to guess how many people left the Sierra in 2005. I am sure that we set an all time record for losing staff without replacement.

BEST CHANGE IN LEADERSHIP – Regional Forester
2005 saw the retirement of Jack Blackwell and the arrival of Bernie Winegard. Within his first year, Bernie showed unusual forward thinking and created the Regional Partnership Team. We haven’t seen any products, and we may not see anything, but I think the recognition alone is a big step in the right direction.

WORST FOOTBALL TEAM – 49ers
I can’t believe how bad the Forty Niner’s stink! OK, they have nothing to do with the Sierra National Forest, but I’m so spitting’ mad at them, I couldn’t leave them off the list.

WORST USE OF OFFICE SPACE – Empty for what?
Has anyone ever seen anyone in this office? It sure is a lot of space to sit empty. I understand that there are also two others just like this one, one on each District.

BEST EVENT – Sierra Centennial
It was comforting to see everyone gathered together at Putney Ranch, the original Sierra NF Headquarters. We took a moment to remember those that came before us, and a chance to touch our past. I liked is so much it had its own blog in November.

BEST UNDERUTILIZED PROGRAM ON THE SIERRA – Wellness
It still amazes me that we are actually allowed work time to participate in a Wellness Plan. Spend time to stay healthy and stay at work. I applaud my co-workers I see at GB3 and I hope to see more there in 2006.

WORST ATTITUDE, ATTENDANCE, EMAIL REPLY AND PHONE MESSAGE RETURN
I deleted this item in the spirit of being constructive. You can fill this one in yourself.

BEST-KEPT SECRET – CCC
Smokey the Bear is alive and well and living at the Cal Expo Camp Smokey. Each year students from the local area, who wouldn’t otherwise get the work experience, are hired and trained to present fire prevention talks at the State Fair. It’s truly value added for our fire prevention program and a major life experience for the students.

Do you recognize Chris Nota? When was the last time you saw someone under 40 years old wearing a Forest Servcie uniform?

BEST TRAINING – FERS
Once again the contract Retirement Training has rave reviews and scores of people saying “I didn’t know that; I’m out of here.” If you haven’t gone, you are really missing out on the plan of a lifetime.

BEST PROJECT COORDINATION EFFORT – NEPA Calendar
Mark Smith and Donna Miller did a great job keeping up the NEPA calendar. They set it up and it worked and they kept it current.

BEST BURGER FLIPPER – Barb
Barbra Fleming not only flips the burgers for our Sierra Employees Association Lunches; she also plans the burgers, buys the burgers, cooks the burgers, drops the burgers, cleans up after the burgers, accounts for the money from the burgers, and gives away any leftover burgers. After all that, she works at Weight Watcher’s Lose-the-Weight-You-Put-on-From-Eating-Burgers Meetings.

BEST FUNDRAISING – Wilderness Grants
Rob Mason adopted the Nike “Just Do It” attitude and went after additional funding for the Wilderness. He showed a lot of us that it’s not hard; you just have to do something. I hope he doesn’t get discouraged, and I hope we can figure out how to cut the bullshit and get more grants.

WORST MISSED DEADLINE
The OHV Grant. Don’t get me started…
(Did you notice how tame this blog is? The real Best/Worst list is in the recycle bin because I’m feeling rather mellow and this as angry as I wish, for now. )

BEST READERS – All Six of You
I want to thank Dorthy, Detective L, Smokey’s Friend, Lips, Foothill Boy and … (I know there is at least one other person out there who read my blog. Forrest and Rick or you still out there?) Thanks for putting up with me. I love you guys!

BEST ENDURANCE – The Forest Service
The Forest Service not only made it 100 years, we now made it 101 years. Thanks for the memories! Here’s to the Next 100.

December 16, 2005

Dear Santa, Here’s a List for the Sierra National Forest

Filed under: Everything, General — Cynthia Ann Whelan @ 12:49 pm

Dear Santa,

OK, I know it’s been a long time and I’ve done a few things that I won’t, and can’t write about in my blog, but this letter isn’t all about me (for a change). Besides, I already have an ipod. This letter is about a few gift suggestions for the Sierra National Forest. You know, it’s not easy trying to care for the land AND serve the people. We need some help, and maybe you’re just the guy who can do it. Others have tried, and golly gosh, things just don’t seem to get fixed.

Could you spare a few calendars for all those people with “use or loose” annual leave. Let them know that it’s a lot more fun to take time off while the sun is shining and the fog hasn’t put a wet blanket on everything. We don’t have many perks left, so I think we should take what we can get. I hope that maybe by taking a little annual leave, my hard working co-workers could also use the time to relax and take care of their lives. Santa, did you hear the joke about the Forest Service employee who saved up his leave so when he had a heart attack, he could take time off? He had to “use-or-lose” his life.

I’m really feeling sad for all those employees who are being turned upside down and pushed off to Albuquerque. I know I couldn’t go there; I can’t even spell it. A lot of people have to rethink some very personal items and not by choice. Help them to turn their lemons into lemonade and take an otherwise unfortunate situation into the opportunity of a lifetime. I think a nice surprise package of a chance to make their lives better would be a very good present.

Do you think you could fit a Special Uses Lands Officer in your pack for the High Sierra Ranger District? They have been limping along since I left and darn it, I like those guys and they sure could use some help.

I’ve heard about you occasionally giving lumps of coal to bad boys and girls. I have a request for a modest modification of that order. We have a few permittees on this forest that would benefit everyone by receiving a visit from another public service agency, for a nice little gift, like fraud charges, tax evasion, or maybe just an arrest for drunk driving. We can’t seem to help the bad guys move on, so maybe someone else can deliver.

I know that a lot of my co-workers have put on the top of their list a budget that allows us to do our jobs. That would be nice. But, I think that between the Katrina victims, the war in Iraqi, the nation’s health care issues, and the rest of our country’s ills, your federal budget sack is very full. So I’m willing to settle for a little acceptance. Frankly, I’m tired of the whining, and it’s really doing no good. We need to move on and figure things out with what we have. Just a sprinkle of your magic acceptance dust would go a long way.

I’d also like to add a few ’stocking stuffers’ to my list. Simple little items, that can just make someone’s day: A campground concessionaire that can clean toilets AND pick up the trash, a computer support group that won’t lose your ticket, no more settlement agreements, a pay raise that matches inflation, an office that doesn’t need remodeling, an office that is done being expanded, and even thought I know this won’t fit in a stocking, an end to the Wilderness lawsuits.

Help us Santa. We’re good at believing in miracles!

December 3, 2005

So, You Don’t Want to Pay Your Bill to the Forest Service?

Filed under: Life, Public Service — Cynthia Ann Whelan @ 12:13 am

What do you think would happen if you didn’t pay your PG&E bill?
What would happen if you didn’t pay Comcast for that high- speed Internet service?
What would be the final answer to missing payments on your newspaper, cellular phone service, garbage pick-up, water, sewer or mortgage?
What would VISA do?
You know damn well what they would do. They would stop your service and send the bill to a collection agency. They would cut you off and you would have one hell of a time getting service restarted.

I know. Once I didn’t pay my water bill. I had just set up my electronic banking bill payer account and made a typo in my account for my water bill. Thinking that some nameless little bureaucrat with the City of Clovis screwed up, I ignored the delinquency notices and I went on vacation.

They turned off my water! For $167.00 the City of Clovis turned off my water. My house sitter (who is seventy years old and struggling to survive on her Social Security checks) was terrified. Fearing that everything living thing in my yard, and my cat would die, she paid the bill. I got my water service back and I was mortified that I had made such a stupid mistake.

So, it’s really quite simple. Pay your bill – you’re clean-shaven!

Look Mom, there's water!

Don’t pay your bill and your plants die, and you stink! Did I mention that the bill was for only $167.00?

Now, let’s say you are occupying land owned by the People of the United States of America; public land. Let’s say you have a Special Use Permit for a resort on the Sierra National Forest. Let’s say you hate the District Ranger, and the Permit Administrator and her little dog too. In fact, you hate everything Forest Service. You don’t want to pay your bill to the Forest Service, so you just don’t pay it.

What happens next?

Shit – nothing!

Write a letter or two, and walk away. Continue to provide crappy service at the expense of the taxpayers and blow off the whole thing. Get drunk, serve inedible food, and collect cash from unsuspecting visitors. In fact, you can turn around and sue the government for trying to collect the $2,555.59 that you decided you didn’t want to pay. Also, while you are at it, you can blow off all those senseless notices asking you to provide stupid documents – like income receipts.

Now don’t you feel stupid expecting the government to collect money that is owed to the People of the United States of America? Really now!

Wait. Maybe I’m thinking about the wrong government: wrong country, wrong time, and wrong attitude.

Maybe this is a kinder gentler nation. A place where you can be forgiven for your debts with no regrets. Where contracts are accompanied by words like “pretty please” and “if you want to…” and handshakes, pats on the back, good will and “hope that all turns out well.” After all, wasn’t Rodney King right, “Can’t we all just get along?” Halliburton has surely functioned well with friendly relationships with civil servants. And as Mathew Lesko, America’s foremost authority on free money says: “The government will pay your bill!”

The truth is that we’re not kind, we’re weenies. We work for bureaucratic spineless wimps who won’t even collect a small debt.

So, what do I expect? I expect that I will do my nameless little bureaucratic job well, and pay my water bill on time.

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